Love Machine by Bird York
What: “Burnout Brenda” finds her calling and gets paid for it too.
Who: Brenda Haynes, still smokin’ at 36, lives with her parents in a basement apartment and works the bar at the family bowling alley. Working class tough, Brenda realizes her life is aimless, but it’s hard to let go of a partying attitude. Mom is still praying over her and Dad is a bit fuzzy; brother Richard, the married super star of the family, a DA with a solid conviction record and higher office ambitions, is still the condescending asshole he always was, except now he’s a hypocritical condescending asshole. Further accentuating Brenda’s pain are the divorce papers her ex keeps sending over (and she keeps burning) so he can marry his 22 yr. old girl friend, Crystal.
On Saturdays, Brenda temps at a Vet’s office acting much like an animal “whisperer.” Less than patient with irritating humans, she has a remarkable ability to calm terrified and wounded animals, and it is while doing this for a dog in incredible pain that her abilities are noticed by Mark, the dog’s owner. Mark remarks that Brenda might make an excellent therapist’s assistant and recommends that she contact Dr. Jason Lerner for a job. Skeptical of her chances, especially given her spotty resume, Brenda, nevertheless, makes an appointment to see Dr. Lerner.
Dr. Lerner: I assume that Mark filled you in how we work here. Although under my direction, the therapeutic technique requires that you work one on one with the patients. Our approach is not for everyone, this is a very specialized field. I expect my support staff to be patient, compassionate, open, non-judgmental. Confidentiality is a must. Some of my patients are dealing with years of physical and emotional blocks that would be our job to try to help them transcend. It’s a tedious process that can also be extremely rewarding.
Over Happy Hour drinks at the neighborhood bar, Brenda gives Lila (her best friend) the good news.
Brenda does a little dance of excitement as she pulls out the training pamphlet Dr. Lerner gave her. She hands it to Lila.
Brenda: And all I have to do is take this training course. Five days, a breeze. And he’s gonna pay me ten bucks an hour while I’m taking the class.
Lila: Jackpot. Does he need any other assistants?…(reading) What’s SPT? Surrogate Partner Training. That’s weird, you’re not going to give your eggs or nothing, right?
Brenda: ‘Course not. It’s going to be therapeutic. You know, like I do with the animals, I guess. Comforting people who are upset or –
Lila looks up from the page, a serious look on her face.
Lila: -can’t get wood. Bren, this is a sex surrogate training program. You know, teaching people how to do it, have sex.
Brenda: Are you crazy, don’t be ridiculous.
Lila: (reading) “It is the surrogate’s responsibility to ensure protection against conception. Surrogates shall be responsible for adequate precautionary measures against the transmission of communicable diseases and infections.” (then) No wonder it pays a hundred krill an hour. The doc wants you to be his night nurse.
Brenda: Fuck, fuck, fuck. How did I not know this?
Lila: Is the doctor guy sleazy?
Brenda: Only hetero guy I’ve met who didn’t do the “I’m-not-looking-at-your-rack-I’m-really-listening” stare.
Lila: Wow, a professional, a real sex therapist. Says they’re the ones who refer patients out to the surrogates.
Brenda: No wonder he was talking about the job having a “social stigma”. (thinking) He must’ve thought that that guy Mark filled me in on the details.
Lila: A job fucking emotionally unstable people for money, some detail.
Brenda: (sunk) Jeez, I feel stupid. There goes fifty grand.
Brenda and Lila have a drink to the mishap as the bar fills with an array of men they grew up with. Lila comments about Brenda having dated half of them. Brenda looks around the room relating moments (we see in Flashbacks) from each of the relationships. Greg had a mommy complex, Bruno, a severe premature ejaculation problem, Iggy, unrealized homosexual tendencies. Brenda sighs at the memories as she describes the rest of the bar.
Brenda (cont.): Jerry with the “bad doggie” routine, Frank who could only do it with cartoons playing on the TV, and of course my ex with the Dutch fucking obsession.
Lila: Dutch fucking?
Brenda pantomimes intercourse between the cleavage.
Lila: (gets it) Oh. (then) You’re like a one stop for the sexually challenged.
Brenda lets out a caustic laugh but then quiets. She looks around the room again, a realization starting to take hold.
Brenda: Jesus, Lil. I’ve already been doing this sex therapy thing. For years now. And all I’ve got to show for it is this bottom-of-the-barrel Happy Hour Margarita.
And so Brenda sets out on a new career path, one for which she is eminently well qualified from the standpoint of empathy, listening skills, and (oh, yes) that other thing. Road blocks appear in the form of her arrogant, judgmental brother, he of the higher political ambitions, who threatens to use the long arm of the law to shut down the therapist; but having finally found something she is good at, Brenda also finds the evidence to stop her brother.
No Meaner Place: What starts out as a street-smart rollicking comedy segues nicely and naturally into a thoughtful (still funny) character dramedy touching on a subject that is both serious and misunderstood. This is so edgy, so funny, so thought-provoking and so different from anything out there. Now I’m as aware as, by now, you are that “so different from anything out there” seems to be the “kiss of death” rather than the “Eureka” moment, but still… Bird has written such a compellingly funny and serious pilot that it is inconceivable that Showtime didn’t snap this up, especially given the misfire (I’m assuming they realize that it is a misfire) of “The Secret Diary of a Call Girl.”
Slutty blue collar girls are terrific fodder for the sitcom world, but rarely is an extra human dimension afforded them as Bird has done for her Brenda. And, this is a real area of therapy, one that was prompted by the Kinsey Report and pioneered by Masters and Johnson in St. Louis. From the series construction standpoint, Bird’s script is practically perfect as the 100 stories don’t just depend on Brenda and her patients because she has set up family conflict as well with the hypocritical overachieving brother, the ex-husband, and Brenda’s own personal dysfunction related to a personal sexual abuse history with a relative (hinted at in the pilot). I don’t really care about polygamous husbands, Madison Avenue in the 60s (or even the 60s), sexually addicted college professors, or foul mouthed disgraced baseball players turned high school coaches – but I do care about this woman and her burgeoning career.
Life Lessons for Writers: F*ck ‘em if they can’t take a joke, or maybe, in this case, just f*ck ‘em.
Conversation with the Writer:
Neely: I’m going to lead off in the usual way…HOW ON EARTH DID YOU COME UP WITH THIS SCENARIO?
Bird: An exec asked me to try to write something about an area that he felt no one had cracked, a show about a SEX THERAPIST. I was concerned that the whole therapy thing was played out on television but upon researching the topic found out that at no point, even during the most intensive of couple’s therapy, does sex actually happen in a sex therapist’s office; just people talking about sex. I didn’t find that very dramatic, but in the middle of my research I learned about sex surrogates and how they are the hands-on healers of the sex therapy world. In the same way a physical therapist aids an M.D. (the doctor diagnoses the physical problem and the physical therapist helps bring the patient’s body back to health), a sex surrogate assists a PhD sex psychologist by helping the patient work through their sexual issues. While I found that world fascinating, I was still cautious about the whole sex-as-titillation aspect as a premise since I’d never been a fan of sex for sex’s sake in story telling. Having been an actress and somewhat of a feminist for years, I’ve always really taken issue with how women are portrayed in film and television.
Now, a few years ago I had written a spec half hour comedy about a blousy, big breasted blue collar girl named Brenda who was a bit of a ne’er-do-well; sort of a blue collar American version of AB FAB – completely Un PC. She was in her thirties, partied A LOT and lived in her parents’ basement apartment as many adults still do in the Midwest. My research confirmed that the world of sex surrogacy is a bit of the Wild West. There is a certification program that most surrogates take but the field is wide open as to who can become a surrogate. The idea of someone like Brenda, someone so plain spoken with a street smart, visceral education about sex, partnering with a Harvard educated PhD and helping heal people who are sexually wounded–well my head just exploded and I had to write this script and did it on spec. It had become a different show than the one I was initially asked to develop by the exec.
Neely: I went to college in St. Louis and always made it a point to attend the annual Masters and Johnson sex lecture. I remember Dr. Masters talking about arousal in men and women and his comment (I’m probably misremembering) that readiness in men was an erection and readiness in women was usually only during ovulation but could be overcome by two martinis. How aware of their work were you when you wrote this?
Bird: I researched sex surrogacy tirelessly before writing “Love Machine.” Masters and Johnson pioneered the field and it gained some ground in the 70’s but then faded away. It’s still mainly found in Northern California and in upstate New York where the women surrogates are more in the “earth mother” age group. It’s truly a fascinating and very misunderstood area of therapy. I think some of our deepest feelings about intimacy, self worth and control become apparent in how we express ourselves sexually. I educated myself as much as I could so I would come to the subject from a grounded, informed place. The most moving article I read was written by a thirty five year old polio victim. He had such a severe spine deformity that it prohibited him from even being able to sit up. Still a virgin, he had never been touched by another human being other than in a medical capacity or a familial hug. He went to see a sex surrogate to try to learn how to experience himself as a sensual being. He wrote that on his way home from the session he felt essentially transformed – he had finally become an “adult”. Never having had a sexual experience is what he felt separated him from all other adults, not his extreme deformity. The tenderness and patience his surrogate treated him with, his discovery of himself – well, the story broke me into pieces. I thought if I can keep the in-your-face humor Brenda naturally exudes and couple it with stories of this emotional magnitude, I will have a series I would be in heaven to write. The bull’s-eye I aim for in my writing is comedy that unexpectedly unzips your heart. This premise was the mother lode.
Neely: Brenda is one of the most developed characters I’ve read in a long time. It’s so easy to stereotype and ridicule blue collar women – always the sluts with a heart of gold (not that Brenda isn’t that also), or characters of quiet desperation. Brenda is unapologetic about her life choices but cognizant that most of them have been poor. Do you know any Brendas?
Bird: I do. I grew up for a time in a working class neighborhood in Chicago. What I love about a lot of people from working class backgrounds are their survival traits, this amazing resourcefulness that has nothing to do with hand wringing about their lack of funds or wishful thinking about wanting more. They just get on with it and hammer out the best life they can for themselves. That’s why Brenda has a propensity for buying furniture she can’t afford and then taking it back within the 90 day return policy so she can keep redecorating her apartment on the limited funds she has. She gets her Pottery Barn lifestyle without the resources or education normally required (there is actually a 90-day return policy at a lot of mid level retailers). Kim, one of my friends growing up, was my inspiration for Brenda – D cup, loud mouth, big partier. She’d wear 6 inch heels whether she was walking in five feet of snow or trotting through sand at the beach.
Another aspect of this show that excites me is her world. Exploring the chemistry of melting pot neighborhoods – the extended families that are formed between immigrants from places as varied as Puerto Rico, Poland, Armenia, Central America. I don’t watch everything but from what I’ve seen there is a plethora of upper class characters in one hour dramas. When two thirds of the “franchise-model” are doctors and lawyers, well, that’s a lot of six-figure, well educated lives we’re peering into. No one is worried about survival basics like rent and car insurance, while that’s a real concern for the majority of Americans. I don’t want to bore people with showcasing their daily worries; I just want to allow their lives to be represented, hopefully in an entertaining and moving way.
Neely: I love how I expected this story to go one way and then it veers in a completely different direction. The sexual dysfunction vignettes are handled with delicacy and compassion, giving Brenda added dimension. Is this going to be an “Educating Rita” where Brenda eventually outgrows her friends?
Bird: Thank you for your kind words about that. I wanted to make sure there was a humorous yet very human aspect to her first sex therapy sessions. I don’t see Brenda growing out of her working class background per se and certainly not thinking she’s superior to her old crowd. The tension between her work world and home life will be a constant in the show – the pull between Dr Lerner’s cerebral sensibility and her blue collar gut instincts.
Neely: “Educating Rita” isn’t about Rita becoming better than everyone around her; it’s about growing when others don’t.
Bird: I haven’t seen that film, but I will.
Neely: Let’s talk about the implied sexual abuse, presumably by her uncle. How were you going to try to integrate that while still trying to keep a lighter tone? Obviously Brenda’s sexual inadequacies (she’s never had an orgasm) are part of this. You also strongly hint that it involves her Uncle Frank and also possibly barfly Ronnie, he of the really bad toupee.
Bird: The man that molested Brenda will be a mystery that runs through the first season. Her molestation, as is often the case in early childhood trauma, will initially start to bleed through in her dream state. This has happened to a few of my friends. One out of three girls and one out of five boys will be sexually abused before the age of eighteen in this country; ninety percent of them by someone they know and only thirty five percent of child molestation is reported. This is epidemic and needs to be talked about, understood and dramatized. Doing it in the context of a dramedy might make it more palatable. Again, this is certainly a C story in this series but I’d like to bring to light the kind of unconscious behaviors that result from early sexual abuse, even just one instance of it. Many of my friends have had this happen to them, both men and women. One friend became a prostitute for a while; several resorted to sleeping around A LOT as teenagers and young women, another became a sex addict and some have experienced milder pathologies but unhealthy behaviors all the same. The idea of your body being connected to your soul and worth is altered until you devote some time to putting the pieces back together; initially, the personality kind of splinters off in order to survive the ordeal.
As with my friends, people who are innately funny deal with even their darker issues with humor, perhaps edgy humor, but if that’s their default it will be there. So I don’t worry about Brenda becoming too heavy and morbid as she goes through her awakening. She’s a fighter, she’s gonna fight her way through whatever she has to to get to the other side.
Neely: I especially like how you shut down, at least temporarily, the brother’s attempt to prosecute or at least harass Dr. Lerner and effectively get Brenda fired so the problem goes away. I assume this was not going to be the last of the brother’s attempts.
Bird: No, of course not. There will be some really deep issues and tensions that will surface between Brenda and her older brother which is often the case when children share a secret about abuse, even if it is only at an unconscious level. There is always the guilt about not being able to protect your sibling, a reaction that can vary greatly in the long run. There’s a dynamic that has to be played out, not to mention the basic oil and water nature of their personalities. It’s not going to be all darkness and gloom though. These two share a lot in common that will be realized as well.
Neely: So who did this get taken to and what was the reaction?
Bird: It went to Showtime and one exec completely fell in love with it but her boss didn’t take to the premise but really responded to the writing. One other network was concerned with the sexual aspect of the premise. In my view, the show is less about sex and all about an exploration of our psycho-sexual selves. The actual sex in the show is about five percent of the pilot script and body parts are purposefully written to be out of frame and do not need to be seen to be effective story-wise. (This isn’t a show about a girl banging her way through life; she’s trying to help people.)
What I find curious is that there are quite a few cable shows where the male lead sleeps with as many as a handful of women in every episode; often using them, lying to them, leaving them with nothing. This is a show where a strong female character has sex with men and actually helps them understand themselves, leaves them better than she found them. I’m not sure why that premise is being perceived as taboo?
Neely: Any substantive notes?
Bird: No.
Neely: Was there anything that was going to make this more palatable without stripping this of its originality and sharpness?
Bird: There is barely any actual sex seen in the show and she’s not cutting people into pieces or anything so….I wouldn’t know where to start to “mild” this up. To take away the sex surrogate premise, well, that kind of kills the originality of the piece to me. Sex surrogacy is the only way an uneducated, streety girl like Brenda would have a chance to work in a bona fide healing profession alongside a PhD. As I said, sex surrogacy is one of the last gray areas left, really.
Neely: I would love to believe that there is still life here – especially since this could easily fit the brands of AMC, Showtime, HBO, and FX. There’s even a new premium channel called EPIX that does not yet seem branded but is looking for something that will put them on the map. Since this is the kind of thing Chris Albrecht would have jumped at when he was at HBO, surely he would give this a serious look.
Bird: It’s just gone out to some of the places you mentioned and we’re waiting to hear back. It’s attracting attention to me as a writer which is also a nice thing. I have a deep affinity for the spit and soul of this character, her world and the beautiful brokenness of her clients. Instead of writing a much safer franchise spec, I went with something off track but straight from the heart; a show I think will appeal to women and men. Brenda is a “take no shit” kind of woman who also has a lot of male sensibilities, and face it, she’s stacked…like that doesn’t pull in an audience. Plus there’s the added sex education aspect as we’ll go into some areas of sexuality that are quite fascinating, funny as well as just plain strange.
Neely: I remember long ago when I saw my mother had a copy of The Joy of Sex on her nightstand and I gave her a hard time. Her response? “Are you so good you couldn’t use a few hints?”
Not a great segue, but what about you? You’re an established actor in film and television and an Oscar-nominated singer/songwriter. How did you get started?
Bird: I started out by studying music, acting and writing. I was in a comedy group here in LA in my teens and started writing for them as well as trained tirelessly with some brilliant Actors Studio teachers. I was lucky that my acting career started to take off in my late teens soon after I arrived in LA. Since then I’ve had a steady career working in series, mini series and films, sometimes starring, sometimes supporting, but always mindful of the general message of the projects I’m involved in. I’ve also done a lot of recurring work including “The West Wing” over all seven seasons which was an absolute joy. I’ve done a lot of character roles though I don’t look like what some would consider a character actress. The acting has really informed my writing as I’m about the minutia of a character’s life, their routine, their moments alone. And I’m a stickler about actor-proofing dialogue though I’ve been known to dump whole speeches in exchange for one moment of behavior. How, to me, the acting training really influences the writing.
Neely: Let’s talk more about the song writing. How did that come about? Do you always perform your own work or have you written for others?
Bird: I write songs for myself or when asked by a director, for their film or television show, though strangely Cher covered a ballad of mine a ways back (my music is very un-Cher-like). I’ve been writing songs since I was 15; studied music for a few years then was signed to a publishing deal with Warner Chappell. My writing songs for film and television happened after I met Paul Haggis. I acted (under my birth name Kathleen York) on his series “Family Law” but he had heard me (Bird York) on KCRW. I gave him some more music to listen to and he really responded to what I do in that medium and asked me to write all of the songs for his last season on that show. Since then I co-wrote, produced and performed the theme song for his film “Crash,” (where the Oscar nom came from) as well as other films, most recently “Seven Pounds” and the soon to be released film “Dumbstruck.” Other television shows include “House,” “CSI,” “Nip Tuck,”, “Everwood” and last week, “American Idol.” One of my favorite things is writing lyrics and composing music (songs) to picture, or to script which is how I’ve worked with Haggis. I write the song understanding the concerns of the screenwriter, actor, film-maker. I wouldn’t want someone stomping all over my story or acting performance with lyrics and showboaty music production. It’s about transparency. Or as I put it once, the writer, filmmaker, actors and crew made the baby and if I’m the theme song that plays under the big emotional montage at the end (which is often where my songs are placed) my job is to just gently assist the baby being delivered. To invisibly push the lump in the audience’s throat through to their tear ducts. Music is such an immediate art form. I love it.
Neely: With your writing, are you looking to leave acting behind, or writing to expand your choice of roles?
Bird: No, I’m not looking to quit acting. That said, people have assumed that I write to expand my own choices but that’s not how my story muse works. I don’t write to get something, I write to give something. If it makes sense for me to act in one of my projects, it literally is an afterthought. I write purely; the characters speak to me and I write down what they say. Obviously if I get my own show picked up, that will be where all my attention will go, towards writing and producing the best show I have in me. Once it’s up and has found its “feet”, of course I’d love to play some really rich, amazing character role as long as other aspects of the show wouldn’t suffer.
My whole life is about passion. I follow my heart, hence the name of my production company, “Guided by Voices, Inc.” I love writing, love making music and love acting, however I’m a quality over quantity type gal. I’d rather write a spec script I love than star in a project I don’t find has much merit. My whole life has been about following what my makes my heart fly… it hasn’t led me wrong yet.
I’ve been lucky to have been allowed to shadow direct while I was acting on “The West Wing” as well as a few other shows. I’ve worked as an actor on over a hundred films and television shows and worked in post production making music for films and TV. I completed the WGA’s Show Runners Training Program last year, which, by the way, is amazing! The ultimate joy would be to combine everything I’ve done thus far, on my own show. “Love Machine” would be such a wonderful way to utilize my abilities and prior experience. If it turns out the buyers aren’t quite accepting of a premise like Love Machine, I’ve got other stories up my sleeve.
Neely: Was there a role for you in “Love Machine”?
Bird: As I said, my main focus initially would be writing and producing the show. Perhaps down the road, I’d like to write a recurring character who is the Obe Wan Kenobe of sex surrogates; someone that Brenda goes to for advice. I can see her already – mystical yet down to earth, dispensing wisdom about sexuality, men, life.
Neely: Who would you see as Brenda?
Bird: Brenda needs to have a kind of effortless. working class sexuality. The kind of woman who could walk into the cafeteria of General Motors and every guy there wants to bang her. Tall and skinny ain’t gonna cut it. I’d start there and then find an incredibly talented actress. Actors casting actors is always an interesting process. One thing for sure, NO prima donnas. I act, and I’m good at it; actor and ass doesn’t have to be inclusive. I don’t understand why so many television producers hire and tolerate bad behavior when there are so many really gifted actors out there who are emotionally balanced people. I think producers need to ask a few more questions, really check an actor out before hiring them for a lead. If you’re applying as a stock person for a major chain store they do a personality eval. Why not at least get a feel for a person beyond their acting skills if you’re going to be creatively married to them for (hopefully) years?
Neely: What’s up next?
Bird: I’m just completing a pilot for FTVS, my next CD is very close to completion, and I’m about to start writing a rather large concept feature. Life is good.
Neely: I’m really excited to follow your career. Please let me know if you find more traction with this pilot – I think it’s an absolute killer.